Hey, look at me, I’m installing copper plumbing, yippee! Not even, wouldn’t spitting Crystal from the window of your Hummer onto the homeless simply help that already canyon wide smile go even wider? You bet it would. Taping, texturing, and painting are just words that should rest easy in the dictionary, what I’m suggesting is that folks should just take it plain easy and bust a move on some slobber sticks (cigars) and let the captain throw down 23 knots as you get a little prissy about which island cove to anchor at - now that is what I’m talkin’ about folks, are you with me?

No Eric, we’d rather put down a few beads of caulk and re-stain the front porch, sure you would, sure you would not! Don’t even for one moment attempt to look me in the eyes with that proud do-it-yourself righteousness, with your sanctimonius thumbs hooked into your carpenter’s belt, with sawdust and spackle on your pants and shoes and tell me that you’d rather remodel the upstairs bathroom than pick the interior colors for your Gulfstream V!? Yeah right!

Let’s get straight on our priorities people, you don’t want to work on a depreciating asset, you want to be making young “nieces” giggle from your apartment in Paris, well, don’t you?

Nah Eric, I’m all about what’s on the inside, I’m the kind of person who takes pride in his work and home. I’m about doing the right thing for the environment and about feeling the weight of some seriously deep shame when I’m late on my annual donation to P.E.T.A - yeah, sure buddy, I hear the violins with their plaintive weeping. Yeah, sure, you’d rather run Romex throughout the house and show a busted knuckle or two when you drink your canned beer than discuss the merits of Henry James while sipping a smooth Bordeaux in first-class on the way to Macau.

Jeeze, I can hear your cheap, stinky belches while I’m typing.

For shame says I.

Know thy economic self and all will follow.

Hey, where am I?

Eric